ENDING FRIENDSHIPS

… As the friendship goes resentment grows, we will walk our different ways- Bad Blood- Bastille

I am sure as everyone reads that line, you realize that there are always those moments in almost all of the relationships we have, be it with friends or family. The moment when you realize that there isn't much to hold you together. The dawning of the truth that your road together has come to its inevitable end. Take a minute and look back at how many of your individual relationships have had to meet this stick end.

Personally, as I look back on the friendships that I have lost- consciously or unconsciously- I discover that there is a lot I could have done differently to try and keep those that I valued close to me. Equally, there is plenty that I would not do any differently. This situation is the kind some might term as being at a cross roads. The time when you need to pick, albeit painfully, between those you need to push further away and those you need to keep close to the vest.

We have had to push some people away. People who either drag you down, weigh negatively on you and end up causing you more grief than joy. I tried to lend a hand to a few such individuals. Big mistake. Those relationships felt like being the Titanic or the Bismark, doomed to sink even with all the effort of the universe vested in it to keep it a float. Unfortunately, being perceived as a 'good guy' tends to draw these types out of the woodwork. The kind of people who bury themselves neck deep in shit because they know you will be there for them. The endless hoards of people sapping all the emotion out of you. The reason I send them off is, no matter how hard or well you try, they always end up doing something silly and drag you down with their baggage. The best lesson I learnt was to push them away as fast and as hard as you can. Burn those bridges so that they do not follow you.

Then there are the pompous types that believe that they know everything about you. They even believe that in their deluded way they can tell you who you are and how to be you. They even confuse themselves long enough to think that they can run your life for you. These are the friendships that fade into resentment so fast, lightening would feel slow. The people who develop an entitlement to your emotion and if you let them, to your being. If unwatched they may fill you with such self doubt and loathing that you will never move forward. The only answer for such people is to ask them to stick their opinions about you where the sun will never shine.

Next are the kind that get their heads in the clouds. The people who feel like they got ahead in life and no longer value or seek your company. I am certain that there are a number of individuals who are of the view that with growth there should be notable change in the company you keep. However, life been life tends to dish out quit a bit of karma. When the time at the top crushes down and you come tumbling. Word to the wise, its the same people you left at the bottom that you will expect to prop you up on your feet. Point is don't forget the people who helped you on your rise.

That being said, some friendships just come to a natural end. If you get to that point when you can neither enjoy the things that you did together nor find common ground to find joy in. this are the relationships that end with some, if not a lot of emotional pain. When you start to drift apart and none of you is willing to make an effort to keep the relationship going, then you need to accept that this friendship has for all intensive purposes served its purpose. When you cannot be there for each other at those times you need each other most, and the people around you change. That is a friendship that you can cherish for memory, but it serves both parties better is they willfully let go of each other.

Finally, are the friends who are as refreshing as sunshine. Those that brighten your life and offer a helping hand when you need one. The kind of friends who will give you the truth hard and bare when you need it. The kind who will have you back and not stab you in it. These are the rare birds, that if found should be dearly cherished. Important thing to not is that you need to reciprocate in equal measure. If not, then it will quickly fade into one of the relationships described above. I have been fortunate enough to have found someone that reliable and I do try my best to be as good as I can to them as they are to me. After seven years I admit she is extremely amazing company. May God bless her for it. {NAOMI}