SCARS

I am in love with my scars
The semi-healed wounds and scabs
The pain they once held
The lessons that they gave

i am in love with my scars
the stories of victories
and losses i endure
the testament of strength
that will spur me on.

I am in love with my scars
My version of events
That soothes the soul
The balm to my heart
The map to my mind.
i am in love with my scars

Disillusion

It is not I

that is lying on the barroom floor

Staring in to the darkness of space

Stating a prayer that is out of place.

The desolation of me

Marinated in beer, gin and rum

Listening to the din of an old drum

Declaring my disillusion

It is not I

Looking back at you

From the bottom of a glass

Asking for your inebriated ideas

Seeking intoxicated solutions

Devouring deadly portions

In hope of an answer

It is not I

You see bent over the toilet bowl

Retching my regret and depression

Begging for release

begging for peace

but getting none

so I go back to the bottle

No it is not I

It is not I
You see stumble and stagger
Holding a bottle of larger
Haunted by dreams unfulfilled
Daunted by life incomplete
Skulking in the dark alleys
Let the day reveal my mistakes
It is not I
perhaps a mere silhouette 

Doubt

Who was I to you?

The scapegoat for all your mistakes:

The one who kept pulling you back

When you strove ahead.

The inkling reminder

Of all that could have gone wrong

Of all that did go wrong

Of all that should have gone wrong

Who was I to you?

Was I your strength

Or your weakness

The deep breath you held in

Or the sharp sigh that took it away

The fleeting ghost you wished away

Who was I to you?

Because I was headed nowhere

But you followed me there

What for?

I had nothing to offer

sill have nothing to offer

so why not answer

Who was I to you?

Who am I to you?

I am lost to myself

So am I lost to you

A reflection of your worst

A portrait of a being so far from grace

who was I to you,

and why?

Angel

Broken my wings might be

but I am still an angel

tethered but unbound

perched on the ground

but I will be free

My arms are wide open,

follow me

or let me be

I will not embrace

nor slap your face

as long as you agree

to cause me no disgrace

I gave voice to reason

Silenced the rage within

the hurt that simmered

fizzled with the season

though I am still fallen

my pride is untrodden

I needed you once

when I was weak

when I was lost

and you walked away

gave me time to find my faith

to find my strength

Now I need you not

Broken my wings might be

but I am still an angel

and I will take my flight.

Leave you behind

as our paths diverge

fading in to the night

Despicable

When the royal aristocrat took leave of him,

Adorned him in attire befitting his new stature

As they did so many of his stray siblings

They baptized him with a brand new name

Ken Yah. Despicable huh

They loved his deep green shirt

the flamboyant red belt

the black trousers

and the white tie

Ken Yah. Despicable huh

He was full of promise

Showed immense potential

Was for a time the model

For all his stray siblings

Ken Yah. Despicable huh

They forgot to diagnose him

His tendency to self- cannibalism

Self sabotage and self destruction

His need for his own undoing

Ken Yah. Despicable huh.

His green shirt now faded

to the shade of pale diarrhea

His trouser shredded to bits

His once radiant smile

dotted in rotten, chipped teeth

Ken Yah. Despicable huh.

He only looks at the past

and what could have been

his accelerated rush to the grave

his masters flee from him

Ken Yah. Despicable huh

ENDING FRIENDSHIPS

… As the friendship goes resentment grows, we will walk our different ways- Bad Blood- Bastille

I am sure as everyone reads that line, you realize that there are always those moments in almost all of the relationships we have, be it with friends or family. The moment when you realize that there isn't much to hold you together. The dawning of the truth that your road together has come to its inevitable end. Take a minute and look back at how many of your individual relationships have had to meet this stick end.

Personally, as I look back on the friendships that I have lost- consciously or unconsciously- I discover that there is a lot I could have done differently to try and keep those that I valued close to me. Equally, there is plenty that I would not do any differently. This situation is the kind some might term as being at a cross roads. The time when you need to pick, albeit painfully, between those you need to push further away and those you need to keep close to the vest.

We have had to push some people away. People who either drag you down, weigh negatively on you and end up causing you more grief than joy. I tried to lend a hand to a few such individuals. Big mistake. Those relationships felt like being the Titanic or the Bismark, doomed to sink even with all the effort of the universe vested in it to keep it a float. Unfortunately, being perceived as a 'good guy' tends to draw these types out of the woodwork. The kind of people who bury themselves neck deep in shit because they know you will be there for them. The endless hoards of people sapping all the emotion out of you. The reason I send them off is, no matter how hard or well you try, they always end up doing something silly and drag you down with their baggage. The best lesson I learnt was to push them away as fast and as hard as you can. Burn those bridges so that they do not follow you.

Then there are the pompous types that believe that they know everything about you. They even believe that in their deluded way they can tell you who you are and how to be you. They even confuse themselves long enough to think that they can run your life for you. These are the friendships that fade into resentment so fast, lightening would feel slow. The people who develop an entitlement to your emotion and if you let them, to your being. If unwatched they may fill you with such self doubt and loathing that you will never move forward. The only answer for such people is to ask them to stick their opinions about you where the sun will never shine.

Next are the kind that get their heads in the clouds. The people who feel like they got ahead in life and no longer value or seek your company. I am certain that there are a number of individuals who are of the view that with growth there should be notable change in the company you keep. However, life been life tends to dish out quit a bit of karma. When the time at the top crushes down and you come tumbling. Word to the wise, its the same people you left at the bottom that you will expect to prop you up on your feet. Point is don't forget the people who helped you on your rise.

That being said, some friendships just come to a natural end. If you get to that point when you can neither enjoy the things that you did together nor find common ground to find joy in. this are the relationships that end with some, if not a lot of emotional pain. When you start to drift apart and none of you is willing to make an effort to keep the relationship going, then you need to accept that this friendship has for all intensive purposes served its purpose. When you cannot be there for each other at those times you need each other most, and the people around you change. That is a friendship that you can cherish for memory, but it serves both parties better is they willfully let go of each other.

Finally, are the friends who are as refreshing as sunshine. Those that brighten your life and offer a helping hand when you need one. The kind of friends who will give you the truth hard and bare when you need it. The kind who will have you back and not stab you in it. These are the rare birds, that if found should be dearly cherished. Important thing to not is that you need to reciprocate in equal measure. If not, then it will quickly fade into one of the relationships described above. I have been fortunate enough to have found someone that reliable and I do try my best to be as good as I can to them as they are to me. After seven years I admit she is extremely amazing company. May God bless her for it. {NAOMI}

 

burdens

poor deluded fellow,

you wanted power so much

you lost your head

lied that they loved you,

claimed that they wanted you

demanded that they have you

imposed that they love you

the burden of your hubris

you wanted power so much

that you grabbed it

left the world soaked red

your hands dripping with blood

your heart filled with hurt

that you smeared across the land

forced your “power” with a start

the burden of your hubris

you robbed the people of their land,

looted their funds

killed their sons

reaped their daughters

and still claimed they loved you

claimed that they would keep you

believed that they chose you

but in reality

they would kill you

for all the greed you reigned

on the innocent individuals

poor deluded soul,