Thursday, 27 November 2014

COMINGS AND GOINGS



They were accustomed to his comings and goings. His abrupt and irregular, appearances and disappearances. He would be here for hours going on days, then take flight for weeks going on months. Thomas had observed enough to know that he only came back when his deals had gone up in smoke. Such was his nature.
He was peculiar to say the least and his tidings even more so. Thomas always wondered what sort of human being would entrust his saving or any amount of money or valuables to his father. But many men did, learning bitter lessons from the mistake. More often than was necessary men came to claim their dues. Thomas hoped that this was not the case again. Their visits preceded by his father’s depressed nature. He didn’t trust him, not even as far as he could throw him. That said a lot coming from a seven year old.
The battered and bruised old man had staggered in to the living room. He was tittering on the balls of his heels, the aftermath of another beating. He had more than likely taken off again before paying up.  
‘Hey, old boy, still holding up,’ he mumbled rather than spoke.
Stumbling over to the dining table, he fell heavily into a seat and gazed in to the distance. Thomas noted that his split lip was still bleeding and the blue shirt was dirtied and blood-stained. Thomas knew all too well what would come next. The hulking knock on the door. The brutal beating and excess violence. The script had lost its allure. The boy backed up to the wall drifting to his happy place. He hated his father’s ‘visitors’ as much as he did his father’s visits. All he wanted to do was to shut him out.
‘I am sorry, old boy but this time, I did it. I really did it,’ he said dreamily. ‘I am sorry that it has come to this.’
‘Momma asked to stop, you said you would, Pa, you said that it was the end. Why?’ the seven-year old moaned.
‘I am sorry, I know I  promised but this is different……’
‘You always say it is different Pa, you always say that. Why don’t you just stay away?’ Thomas shouted, his voice rising with every word. ‘ I hate you Pa, I hate you!’
Peter was so stunned by the words that he fell silent. He had never quite understood how much hurt he had caused the family till this moment. The countless times that his wife had tried to get him to understand that had never sunk in. Thomas made him feel it, and his words brought tears to his eyes.  He bit his lower lip and shut his eyes. Regret.
His heart ached as he remembered all the many times he had late down the boy. Thomas had looked up to him like any little boy would look up to a father. But promise after promise being broken. Lie after lie being told. Hurt after hurt inflicted. His mother hoped that they would leave soon. Save the boy before the grief tore him up or the hate consumed him. Peter had delved in his bubble too long to notice the boy’s pain. He was too busy being slick and sly. Now his sins were back to haunt him.
There was a time when all his scheming paid off. Everyone of them had been good. He gave his family the life he thought the deserved. That was at a time when all that mattered was the rush. He played fast and loose with everyone and that was exciting. It didn’t matter how many times his wife asked him stop, he always needed one more score. The fire that drove him to the brink of detraction. Now he was stuck, always wanting more but never getting enough.
 Peter was only jerked back to reality by the sound of crunching gravel as a car pulled in to the drive way. He stood up and braced his hand on the table, the pain in his rib taunted him. He stole a glance at the little boy, and felt the guilt suffocate him. He heard the steps on the porch and shifted his gaze to the door. Perhaps it was his wife, or the debt collectors, he hoped it could be the former.
Elizabeth was halfway in when she saw him and froze in her tracks
‘You good for nothing on of a…..’ she started to seethe
‘I can explain, jut listen to me for a minute, I swear. This time was different …’
‘Tell it to the choir, I don’t care. I want you out of my life, I want you gone, you and all you troubles,’ her voice was a steady rising crescendo. ‘We are tired of you, your lies, your cheating and stealing. I can’t expose Thomas to anymore of your troubles.’
‘I am sorry, I mean it this time it’s over, I ……’
Elizabeth raised her hand to silence him. She wanted to scream but she also wanted to keep her cool. Her chest was heaving, as she shut her eyes and tried to clear her mind. She wondered why he didn’t just stay away. Why the collectors didn’t just kill him? Why he didn’t kill himself. She wanted him gone, gone and gone for good.
‘Leave, please, leave now and never come back,’ she spoke finally and evenly, her eyes were still shut. A silence hung between them for a long strained moment. Peter wanted to argue, but he knew her well enough to know when to give in. He looked at her and placed his hand on the table.
‘Pa, leave please, you need to leave,’ Thomas whimpered.
Peter felt the frustration build in him. He opened his mouth to speak then shut it. He did it again then shut it. His eyes shifted from mother to child then back to mother. He  bit his lower lip. Peter shook his head and started to walk to the door. Elizabeth stepped aside, Thomas kept his face buried between his knees and rocked gently. Peter was at the door, took a last glance at the two, smirked then turned to step out, though he never did.
He was sent stumbling backwards by blow, then two ghouls walked in. The collectors. Elizabeth shrieked and rushed to her son, maternal instinct had taken over. Peter looked up to see one assailant raise his boot. He shut his eyes, held his breath and braced for the blow. The boy was screaming.
‘Nooo!!!!’ His wife screamed….
The pain hit him hard as the collectors boot made contact three times. Once with his head, twice with his shoulder then at last with ribs, reigniting the flurry of pain. Peter was in the foetal position, covering his head. Elizabeth shielded Thomas from the brutality that went on at the door.
‘Go, get him and go. Don’t do that here. No in front of the boy.’ Elizabeth pleaded.
The two men towered over Peter but stopped the pummelling him. They studied the two by-standers. One of them lifted Peter, apologised to his wife before they bundled him out of the house. Elizabeth watched them go and noted that that might be the last time she would see him alive. This she hoped both fervently. Thomas had his face buried in her bossom.
‘Is this the end of it?’ he asked
Perhaps, just perhaps, this might be the end of his comings and goings

Sunday, 23 November 2014

morals



Blood drips from our eyes
Because we have no more tears
Hate spews from our mouths
Because we have no more love
Hands are shaken
But knives are drawn
Honesty has drown
In the sea of greed and deceit
Its place, is untaken
For we are beings
Without a moral compass
Blood spills from our mouths,
Pours from our hands
Drenches our minds and soul
Blinds us like blinkers to a shore
We are a lost people
For we no longer use reason
A being
Without a moral compass

When did the fist
Surpass the word?
The knife replace the pen?
Bullets engage paper?
When did this happen?
Are we no better?
A  people with no morals
A people with no future

Saturday, 25 October 2014

MADAM

Madam
I thought you knew
You are beautiful
I hear it in the way you talk
But madam
Do you have to take my
attention to your waist
 

All I needed was your face
and brain
and
perhaps
HEART.
The neck upwards.
 

Why do you want me
to stare at your chest
when I have no business with it.
Spread your legs
while you know I am not
fecund.
so as to show me
your world.
 

My dear
do not tease the gods.
When I said you are
LOVELY.
I meant it
Please do not be foolish.
I admire your brain
Not your body

Saturday, 18 October 2014

perpetual sinner

i met the preacher
i, in a drunken stupor
he, in a religious uproar
Disgust at the core
disregard in his soul
i am the perpetual sinner


i let out a hiccough
putrid with the smell of spirits
and he summoned the spirit
to kick out my spirits
so i let out belch of a hiccough
and chuckled at my bottle of spirits.

"i married the bottle"
i told him
"at least sh was faithful"
he retorted in acrimony
"you should be faithful"
as he lifted the bible
but i am the perpetual sinner

i left him in the harmony
of the unadulterated pulpit
the days offertory
safely in his pocket
the "flocks ewes"
hiding behind the door
dresses on the floor
but yes
I AM THE PERPETUAL SINNER

road trip

He was drumming unconsciously on the bonnet. His eyes sweeping slowly over the sedate town. He was still adjusting to the monotony of 'village' life. In truth, nothing amused him. So he stood there, looking distant and detached.

Paul was driving with his friends to the coast. Mtwapa to be exact. His fashion sense had failed him again. He had on a black shirt and trouser. Too formal for a road trip. Too unsuitable for a road trip. Or a drive in this time of year. The jokes his friends made only led to his further retreat into himself.

His eyes glided to Antonette as she haggled with a vendor about some bracelet or other. She was better dressed, a black vest and suitable shorts. Extremely suitable. They advertised those supermodel legs. He admired her. Just for a brief moment. But he could never quite get himself beyond that. Never say just how much he wanted her. It was the way he had been raised. Always longing for more. Desiring. Wanting. But never getting that most sort after object.

"Dare to live sometime." she said as she pull open the left rear door and threw her new buys inside the car.

He was beyond startled but tried not to show it. his eyes scanned the crowds hustling about their business. Kevin and Jennifer were getting late. he wouldn't put it beyond them to have found a room for quick touch up. they were madly in love. His eyes fell to his feet as he stood there. the scorching heat working on his skin. he wished he would take off the shirt, though it was against his nature to show weakness or admit defeat.

He shut his eyes, just for a moment he shut his eyes, and let his thoughts take hold. trying to picture this perfect road trip. he was doing something beyond his norm. and so far he had no reason to regret. he viewed all the possibilities, laughing at the beach as Kevin made a perfect full of himself. everything had to be perfect or his father would come at him with a whip.

a flash back of a younger version of him gripped him. he was cringing in a corner, his father with the whip bearing down on him. he wanted to call out for help. he was shaking, a soft whimper escaped his lips. his father raised the whip and brought it forward. he jumped.

"Easy boss, you haven't been stung by a bee."
it was Kevin who was a bit taken aback by his reaction. Jennifer and Antoinette were startled too. he rubbed the back of his neck as he recovered his grasp on reality. the scars on his back a firm reminder that he would not take his shirt of no matter what happened.

Saturday, 13 September 2014

DAUGHTER OF MY MOTHER

Daughter of my mother
I have watched you grow,
Under the keen gaze
of a harsh father
And the tender brow
Of well ordered ways
Ah! Daughter of my mother.


I have watched you grow
from young and naive-
The age of innocence-
to a bold beaut_
I have watched you

I have eyed you
as you have made your way
stumbled but not fallen
slipped and stood up again
from a little maiden
to a stunning mistress
the lessons you gain
daughter of my mother
still you grow

Daughter of my mother
I know you have value
I know you have gained value
The kind only time could add
and I have grown to love you
The only way a brother can
As i can no longer hold your hand
Daughter of my mother
Now I watch you stand
bigger than any ones plan
to call you wise is true
but you are more
so much more
Daughter of my mother

Today can only admire
The spirit and fire
you Bathe the earth in
Make your mother proud
rip away that shroud
and be the queen
your mother raised you to be
Daughter of my mother
brave bold and beautiful
daughter of my land
Daughter of my mother.

Friday, 29 August 2014

heart breaker

i was taught to be a heart breaker
society raised me that way
being a gentle man was wrong
so i had to be right
i got the three simple rules
1. pretend to be interested
then lose all interest
2. notice nothing new
3. make them think that it is their idea
I was raised to be a heart breaker so that
girls would blame themselves
and never me


i was taught it was good
to be bad
better to be cruse
amazing to be harsh
so i learnt to hurt
hurt those who do not deserve it
because society want more like me
heart breakers

I never wrote her poems
it would make me soft
I never bought her roses
I'd rather be a thone
I never gave her kisses
so she would hate me to the bone
i was raised to be a heartbreaker

mothers, warn your daughters
fathers, brace your knuckles
because she will come home,
teary and solemn
bitter and broken, 
and i will be to blame
i was raised to be better
but i am a heartbreaker.

 

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